2025/005: The Shock of the Fall — Nathan Filer

He was everywhere, and in everything. The smallest parts of him; electrons, protons, neutrons. If I were more perceptive, if my senses weren’t so blunted by the medicine, I’d be better able to decipher, understand what he meant by the movement of the leaves, or the sideways glances of patients as we sucked endlessly at cigarettes. [p. 196]

Matt's brother Simon died in August 1999, while the family were staying at a caravan park in Dorset. Simon had Downs syndrome, and Matt was devoted to him. He blames himself for Simon's death, and he's struggled with mental health issues ever since. The Shock of the Fall is presented as Matt's therapy, trying to make sense of it all by (as his medical notes have it) 'engaging in writing behaviour'. His typed account of life in a secure ward, his difficult relationship with his mother and the comfort he gets from his nan, his theories about the interconnectedness of everything, is punctuated by letters from health workers, collaged words, little sketches. And while we know from the start that something terrible happened that August night, the truth of that night's events don't become clear until very late in the novel.

Matt's black humour and the vividness of his perceptions make this a fascinating read. I don't know if it is an accurate portrayal of schizophrenia, but it feels like an honest account of life with a mental illness, life in an institution. Filer is, or was, a mental health nurse and I assume some of the details -- like the plethora of drug-company promotional mugs, mousemats etc -- is from life. I'm pretty sure Matt's refrain of 'there is nothing to do' is the experience of many.

Sometimes the novel is a bit sentimental: sometimes I found Matt's emotional shifts overwhelming. But overall I liked it: a witty and accessible account of mental illness, and of grief, and of guilt -- subjects that in a more serious narrative would be hard to read.

In the novel, Simon's death took place on 15th August 1999, and when I saw that date I wondered if the family were in Dorset to see the 1999 eclipse ... it's not mentioned, but surely would have been experienced, if only as 'much more traffic on the roads than usual'. And young Matt did seem to be interested in the world around him.

I bought this in February 2014, and finally read it as part of my 'Down in the Cellar' self-challenge, which riffs on the metaphor of to-be-read pile as wine-cellar rather than to-do list.